Our family has grown by one heartbeat and two feet. My baby sister added a little girl to the family. The funny part is, I knew before she did! Well, I suspected. I texted her and asked and she vehemently denied that she was pregnant. At the time, she didn't think she was! Twelve weeks later, she told us that she would be expecting her second child at the end of the year. I was excited to be an aunt again. As we all suspected, she was having a girl! One of each. The picture perfect, all-American fam. It's an overused cliche but they truly are blessed. Baby girl came bouncing out with no issues, happy and healthy to the delight of all of us—and with a full head of hair! While I was anxious to celebrate with everyone else, there was a pit in my stomach. A realization that this would not be our story. There would be no rushing to the hospital. No sonograms. No, Who does he look like? or I think she has her dad's nose. And in spite of my best efforts, it made me sad. I did my best to hide my tears but when alone I couldn't help but let some escape. I let myself grieve the loss. The loss of the experience. The loss of what we might have had if our story had gone differently.
But I was also encouraged. Our story is vastly different, but I felt even more strongly that it is what we were meant for. Even if we lost our last pregnancy, it further cemented the desire to be parents. We have had different experiences than some others and maybe that will allow us to love on a child that may not have that chance otherwise. Foster care is not for the faint of heart, and that worries me sometimes, but I know that I am preparing myself as much as possible and that I have a strong community to fall back on. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of "what could have been." But I can't dwell there. The "what is ahead" is waiting for me to buckle up buttercup. xoxo
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
Categories |