And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."
Matthew 17:20 Mustard seed faith. That's all we have sometimes, isn't it? The Holy Spirit had been grooming me for adoption for years, I was ready. My husband took a little longer. Funny how that works. We prayed, we discussed, we went to meetings. And y'all I will confess that waiting is not my spiritual gift. I couldn't understand how he was not where I was. How could that be? How can you look at these innocent little faces and not want to take each and every one of them home? That of course was not the case. My husband was just as brokenhearted as I was over this plight, but I was dealing with a very logical mind. What happens when we break our two-person existence with a sudden little one? What are the risks? What is the to-do list? (Because let's face it folks, a lot of those honey-dos are his.) I can't reason with you if you're going to be logical about this whole thing! But he of course had his reasons and I did, too. And as I gave God my frustrations, He asked me, "Kirsten, do you trust me to use William's mustard seed?" I was not. William had the mustard seed but I was not trusting God to move the mountain. I went to my husband and struck a deal. I will quit pressing the question of "When?" if you will agree to pray about this decision—together—every night. He agreed. Painstakingly I waited. And we prayed. One night, I heard it. William's prayer changed. Ever so slightly the language changed from "Lord will you guide us in the decision that we are supposed to make" to "guide us in raising the child you have for us." And my heart wept. I could hear the mountain move. xoxo
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AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
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