At the beginning of one of our foster care training sessions we were given pieces of paper, markers, and simple instructions: Fold the paper lengthwise, write your name on one side, and draw pictures that represent things in your life that are important to you. There are several key factors to keep in mind here:
More importantly, what would others draw on our papers if this were an interactive exercise? Based on the interactions that people have with us—what we say, our priorities, how we act, how we treat others—what images would show up? Would they be the same as what we would draw? Would they be better or *gasp* worse? I have little doubt they might guess that I love being a dog mom or that William would gladly take a hike through the mountains any chance he got. But would they draw our hearts for children? Would they draw my desire to disciple youth? Would they draw William teaching young men as they work alongside him? If we worry that perhaps the artistic expression of our lives would not mirror the desires of our heart, it might be time for adjustments and a cleansing of the canvas. "And I will show you my faith by my works." James 2:19 xoxo Kirsten's "artwork": Biblical community/ discipleship; dog mom, love the river, foodie, love to love & be loved; Christian sorority PBX; love language is receiving gifts; like to read & write; our home where we are able to host events & love on others William's "artwork": Christ; family/home; pizza; Callie Faye; (completed) work; sleep; working in the shop (woodworking); cycling; marriage; mountains/nature
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Whenever I bring up adoption, whenever I hear about or read about it or even breathe a syllable, I feel like one word is always present: cost.
So lets get the purple gorilla out into the middle of the room. Adoption cost varies. It depends on which type of adoption plan you choose, your agency, what types of legal battles you might incur, what placements you are open to (if you go the foster care route), and the list goes on. There are a few common expenses related to the adoption process:
Depending on the age, gender, and country you choose, international adoptions average between $25,000 and $50,000. This includes home studies, travel expenses, attorneys, agency fees, child passport, and fees that the country charges for you to adopt from them. (Spoiler: I hope to have one of our beautiful friends on here soon to tell you about their gorgeous journey of international adoption.) Domestic/Private Domestic or private adoption is when infants are voluntarily placed for adoption by their birth parents. There are two main types: an agency adoption and independent adoption. Average Cost: (Adoption Agency) $20,000 - $45,000; (Independent Adoption) $15,000 - $40,000. Foster Care Adopting children through foster care is arguably one of the more affordable options. However, families do need to be prepared for the responsibilities and challenges that come along with that commitment. The system is designed to reunite families, not necessarily to build yours. There are absolutely children in foster care who are available right now, today for adoption and would love nothing more than to be welcomed into a loving home, but most are needing families to love and care for them while their birth families do their best to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and try to build their foundation up enough to have their children returned. If a child becomes available for adoption, the government does try to help as much as possible. There are some subsidies and tax credits available. But, the children must qualify as "special needs:"
There might also be times (after your foster child has been with your family a year) that you might decide to intervene on behalf of your child if you feel their welfare is being threatened by the bio family. In these cases you often have to hire your own attorney. (Keep in mind, many costs and circumstances depend on your agency.) That being said, average cost is $0 - $5,000 after possible tax credits. Bottom line—there are many paths to a family. For more on how to help us on our journey, visit our puzzle fundraiser page. **Sources: American Adoptions, Homes with Hope, and Adopt Together. All of the figures are estimations and taken through surveys. It is important for you to do your own research. xoxo We completed our PRIDE and Trauma training which is another step closer to licensing. Although it was pretty much exactly what I expected, can you really ever be prepared to hear stories of children that are being so terribly mistreated by adults that should protect them?
The most staggering statistic of all is that 90% of children who come into foster care have experienced some form of sexual abuse. Now this can be anything from inappropriate touching and viewing pornography to molestation, but the sheer thought of a young child being exposed to things their precious minds cannot even begin to process is unfathomable. As I listened to some of the cases, I couldn't help but think of my nephew, his 3rd birthday closer than we'd like to admit, and how innocently he views the world. He has a mom and dad who think he hung the moon and two sets of grandparents who would swear he painted all of the stars in the sky. He lives in a world of Paw Patrol, John Deere tractors, and every book and toy truck you can imagine. He smiles, blows kisses, and has a healthy sense of "stranger danger." These children do not. They have no danger censors because they have only lived in danger. They will possibly walk off with a stranger or take gum from the grocery counter because they've been groomed to do so. If they see my husband hug me they may shriek from sheer terror thinking he's going in for a choke-hold and they might be next. The trauma is real, folks. And these children and families are living it every day. There is nothing about this journey that is going to be easy—for us or the children we hope to love on. But we were never promised easy, now were we? We were just promised that we wouldn't be doing it alone. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 xoxo Have you ever experienced social media remorse? You've said something or posted something that you've thought, "Maybe I shouldn't have?" Nine times out of 10, if you're questioning it, you probably shouldn't have, right? But sometimes it comes with a different cost. Will I be held accountable? Will there be judgment? Will people think less or differently of me?
For quite a while we kept our decision of adoption private. Not for any particular reason other than we were still grappling with all of the logistics ourselves. Still praying through what this calling looked like in our lives. Do we volunteer? Should we work with Casa for a few years? Are we looking at adoption through foster care, domestic, or international? Are we called to simply support families who are fostering children? Once we decided that yes, we were meant to adopt, we began to tell key people including our families and my boss (the agency was going to call him for verification, hello). Eventually that spread to a few friends and our community group at church. It felt intimate in a way. Then I posted a question on a Facebook group—one that I didn't realize so many people I was connected to were also on! It didn't take long for the "likes" or text messages to start. What have I done? I thought. I wasn't ready for this part yet. I don't have answers. My initial panic as you can imagine was unwarranted. I did answer a few questions, and there were ones I didn't have the answers to—which was also okay! But it also continued to propel us in the direction we knew the Holy Spirit was pushing. If you look to the context of baptism, there is nothing magical about the dunking of someone in water (Southern Baptist woman here!). It is an outward expression of an inward profession of faith. And that's what I'd done—purposely or not! "...and it was very good." Genesis 1:31 Yes, I know that's out of context. But so appropriate! It propelled us to keep going. God used those curious and encouraging friends to speak to our hearts and say, "Yes dear ones. You are doing exactly the thing I am asking of you." xoxo |
AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
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