Oh, Bug. I won't pretend that we did everything right. We made our fair share of mistakes. We learned a lot together you and me. We had our head-butting moments but you were my first. You and your brother solidified my place in this world—my purpose. You gave us our first tangible experiences with tantrums, tears, bedtime stories, and school lunches. No my Bug we did not get everything right. But this? This we pretty much nailed, didn't we? I have spent {probably too much} time wondering how you are celebrating this year. It was down to a toss up—unicorns or mermaids? We finally settled on "Under the Sea-ven" {with an agreement to do unicorns next year}. Did you stick to that? Did you have people around you that loved you and celebrated to the best of their ability? So far, you have been the only child's birthday we've had the privilege of throwing. I remember your face when you saw your invitations. You were SO excited to pass some out at school. I prayed for weeks that your friends would come. You hadn't known these girls for long and I was desperately praying that you would not be disappointed. I couldn't have imagined. Our tribe showed up, didn't they Bug? People from all branches of our community tree showed up and they loved you like I couldn't have orchestrated. We packed a lot into that birthday and I was so worried that you would be happy—but kind of sad. Some very important people were missing from your special day. And although you didn't say it out loud, I know you missed having them there. And even though we didn't say it—I noticed it, too. Here we are now on the other side of that, Bug. Today I sit at home, separated from you on this joyful day, wishing that I was able to be there for you. I pray that wishes came true and that you feel loved and secure. I hope that you received whatever kind of cake you asked for and that you waited this year to blow out the candles. I hope you sang at the top of your lungs and hugged your brother's neck. I hope you twirled and twirled with your face to the sun until you toppled over in laughter. But, here's the thing, Bug. We'll love you no matter what, no matter where you are. Because you were our first. You made us understand the real "why" behind this heart work. You and your brother will always be my strength to continue. You pushed us and challenged us and you learned to love along the way. Happy birthday, Bug. Your Mer Mama loves you. xoxo Click here to be a part of our foster adoption journey!
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AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
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