Christmas has long been a hugely celebrated time of year for our family. It's a mix of lights, baking, parties, concerts, family, friends, cards—we did it all. To my husband's often perturbation, I still continue to be quite the elf when it comes to the jingle season. This year our calendar started October 19th and I warned William, don't plan anything until the second weekend of December (let's be real, January). Yes! We were that packed. But something was different this year. I just wasn't that "into" it. I wasn't being a Grinch, I just wasn't the glitter-covered force to be reckoned with I normally am. Decorating was haphazard. There was no begging my DH to go look at Christmas lights in the "fancy neighborhoods." I even cancelled attending a party (gasp!). I was feeling ill, but normally it would take a bout of pneumonia to keep me away. Anyone who has known me more than five minutes knows that I adore giving gifts. (Receiving gifts is also one of my top love languages so that could have something to do with it.) I take my time searching for the perfect gift for each person in my sphere and about bounce out of my skin waiting for them to open it. I of course still enjoyed this process, but near Christmas I began to panic. I felt that I had failed this round. There wasn't that much spare change to go around and the gifts seemed more difficult to find. William's favorite tradition is stockings. He reverts back to childhood poking through finding what oddities people found and associated with him. This in particular I just really crashed into the asphalt. I still love Christmas—and parties, cards, lights, and snowmen. I just had a different perspective. This past year has been filled with a drive and determination to build something outside of ourselves. It wasn't that I didn't love all of the things my family and friends did choose to give me, but we're waiting on that ultimate gift. The gift of building a family.
(And yes, he bought me a jacket!) xoxo
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AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
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