One of the last steps (and likely one of the hardest) has been writing our autobiographies. I don't know if it was the finality of it, deciding what parts of our stories to include, the vulnerability (is there an all of the above option?) After this comes home study. That's all she wrote, folks. To say I am unnerved might be the largest understatement ever. Wow. After all of this. We're finally seeing that fuzzy light. But there are still unknowns. I have friends that are still waiting for placements after 18 months, and friends that had a placement after two days—it's unpredictable like that. But here's another thing I didn't expect. As the writer of the family, my husband naturally sent me his bio to edit (okay, that part I did expect). What I didn't see coming was what I would find there. After knowing each other for a decade and some change, I feel like I know the parts of his story pretty well. Navy brat (check), brain surgery (check), parental loss (check), can order his food verbatim at Cracker Barrel (check). But there's a rawness about having to read someone's life story condensed into two pages (the max allowed) and let's face it, William probably only needed one before my "help." I've heard it a thousand times, "You will look at your husband differently after kids" or "you won't know how much you love him until you see how he loves your children." I have no doubt that's true, but for me, my eyes opened even more after really hearing his story. Here are a few excerpts: I had no reason to believe we were anything other than a “regular” family. We did move around a lot...I have a few wispy memories of some of the places we lived and friends I made while I was there, but like many things, they have faded with time. When I look back, it was my mom who had the most impact on my life. (I was accused more than once of being a mamma's boy and honestly, I was okay with it.) Navigating the choppy waters of grief compounded by a disability and puberty without much guidance was certainly a trying time in my life, however, in retrospect I can see God’s hand in it. ...I decided to undergo brain surgery in 2004. I knew we had a 50-50 shot. In 2008, I was invited by mutual friends to attend a birthday where I would meet my future wife. Here's the thing, I didn't learn anything "new," per say, I knew all of these facts. What I realized was that I knew his story so well, so intimately, that it felt like my own. We have become so intertwined that as I was editing his words, it felt as if I was simply writing from my own memory.
and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:8-10 This process makes you question everything about yourself. Are we emotionally able to say goodbye? Can we financially provide for children? Are we willing to share our time and resources? Can we logistically make this work with our schedules? Am I too old to do this now? Is our marriage strong enough to withstand the blows the enemy with inevitably dole out? There will be many more questions and I don't know how many will have answers. But you know what? I'm pretty sure we can do this. xoxo
1 Comment
Eva
3/14/2019 05:46:21 am
This was written with so much love! I’ve loved reading your blog posts and can’t wait until you have your little addition with you. You’ll be amazing parents! 💖
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AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
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