There was an evening, not terribly long ago, when I considered shutting down my Facebook account. Not because of overly political posts or a conviction to stay away from social media, but because it was just too painful. It seemed every time I would hit a colorful social icon on my phone, another person in my "circle" was celebrating milestones. This particular evening, six different people announced their pregnancies in a time span of approximately two hours.
It wasn't that I begrudged their joyous moments or even that I felt the ugly green monster of jealousy rearing it's head. In that moment, I felt forgotten. Crying and chopping veggies for dinner, I still remember my husband's bewildered face. I feel like God has forgotten me, I sniffed. Of course I knew that wasn't true but in my heart that's what I was feeling. It seemed everyone around us was announcing their growing families to the world as we sat, prayed, and waited. The world continued on around us and we just—waited. Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. Isaiah 30:18 I repeated these words from Isaiah to myself like a personal mantra until I once again believed their loving promise. I did not delete my account. I signed up to bring dinners to newborn families and made my signature tie blankets and you guessed it, we waited.
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Our church celebrated Orphan Sunday. It was a time for families in our Tapestry Ministry to come together and celebrate our unique families. I so enjoyed watching this patchwork of people laugh and love on each other as some marveled over new little ones who had come into homes and others who had officially taken on new last names. In all cases, there was celebration.
We talked to others who had gone through the same journey we are on and received much needed encouragement and advice. We are incredibly lucky to be a part of something as incredible as this group. A slight prick to the heart was the photo booth. The photographer asked for our family and looked around. "Just us," I said. No problem! And handed us a globe. As I smiled my best smile and held the globe in my hands, I couldn't help but wonder, "Is our child out there right now? Do they long for us the same way I do for them?" The sadness left and I was filled with a love and peace that could have only been from the Father himself. A well loved verse came to my mind: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
The process of getting licensed for foster care includes several training sessions on a multitude of topics. And then, if you're Type A like myself, you go a step further and read anything you can get your hands on, listen to podcasts, and attend support group meetings hearing speakers and talking to moms who have been through the "trenches" and lived to tell the tale.
But one topic really grabbed my attention and my heart: Epigenetics. A relatively new science, only really surfacing over the last 20 years and still being analyzed for deep levels of effect and understanding. Ladies and gents, my mind was officially blown. I knew from the moment the information began hitting my ears this would be a post. I now have the burning need to find some additional literature on the topic and explore! [Note: A really helpful video I found on the topic by SciShow can be found here.] |
AuthorWriting is really my outlet, so you'll mostly see my prose on here. But William might occasionally make a guest appearance. Archives
May 2021
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